What Does the Ideal Family Look Like?
I sure wish I could answer this question and deliver a simple message in a neat box with a ribbon tied. But the truth is that everybody’s coming from their own perspective. We all see the world in a different shade of color, slightly different angle, etc. So many families spend a lifetime trying to impose their truth onto each other and try to get each others to conform to their way of thinking.
A common mistake I see in family therapy is that the parents want the children to respond and do as they say and to follow their path that they have set out for their child. Of course this is mainly done on a subconscious level. Even though the parent or parents are unaware of the effects it robs the child of his or her individualism, uniqueness and ability to provide a life independent with self regulation in this world.
What Does the Ideal Family Look Like?
Some traits of what the ideal family looks like may be the following:
- Healthy families communicate clearly and directly. There is little to no assuming, or passive aggressiveness.
- Affirms one another and supports each member. Healthy parents understand that each child is unique and talented in different areas. They feel validated and comfortable expressing their uniqueness.
- The ideal family respects each other. You feel part of the family but also respect the need for alone time or privacy.
- There is a healthy sense of trust. You can count on the other members to hold to what they say.
- Each member exhibits shared responsibilities within the family. One person is not solely responsible for the ultimate wellbeing and needs of the others. Once a child hits the appropriate age they have chores and assist in helping the family to run smoothly. Here the child learns what it means to hold themselves responsible and to pitch in.
- Parents are not hovering or smothering over their children. There is a healthy sense of independence and interdependence.
There are several more traits of what the ideal family looks like. These are just a few to help you to understand some of the major areas that need to be focused on when trying to improve the health of the family.
What Does the Ideal Family Look Like?
Unhealthy traits:
The following is a list of some common traits we see in families that can lead to unhealthy interaction and overtime can have negative effects on the children.
- Don’t place your adult problems on your children. They do not want to be the marriage counselor for your relationship.
- Don’t run the house like a dictatorship. Although it’s important to have rules and structure, it’s also important to realize that running the house in a militant fashion can have negative effects on the children.
- Don’t allow your children to run the show. All too often we see the children dictating to the parents what they will or won’t do as it relates to chores, going out, spending time on electronics, etc. Be the adult and set the rules to be fair but let them know the expectations.
- Don’t smother your children and lean on them for your emotional support.
- Don’t model behavior that you do not want to see in them. Such as avoidance of topics, passive aggressiveness, obsessive worry and anxiety, meltdowns and temper tantrums.
Family Therapy and the Benefits of Counseling.
If you feel you are struggling with setting up a healthy foundation in your home then attending therapy can be greatly beneficial. In therapy you can work with your counselor as the whole unit as well as individually. It’s important to do the individual work of clearing up past wounds and areas where before you were unaware of. These may be your own wounds from childhood, your ability to avoid conflict, traits of perfectionism, etc.
Call us today at High Expectations Counseling 407-967-1327. We have highly trained and skilled therapists that can help you and your family to realign and get set straight on the correct path. You and your family deserve to have wonderful and stress free interactions and time together.
