Today’s parents are parenting much differently from past generations. There are many pros and cons to this approach. In therapy, I see a lot of parents unconsciously trying to block the natural experiences of their child because of the bad or anxious experience they went through in a much more “be seen but not heard”, “do as we say and don’t question it because I said so” childhood. Today we want to hear every last word of what our children are saying. We want them to feel empowered to be able to use their voices. The truth is that the real world won’t care what they have to say.

We see many parents today coddle their children. Out of attempts to not let them feel failure and pain, we step in to “save the day”. But are we really saving the day or are we making it much worse because they leave the family thinking that the world owes them something? That they don’t have to put in the time to climb the ladder of success. It’s always come so easy before.

Therapy for young adults and how to start heading in the right direction. The following are a few areas where we may need to think about correcting our parenting styles:

1. Stop telling your child that they are special and will change the world. This is not to be mean. It’s just that when we constantly tell our children this and they develop an overinflated ego. This leads to a lot of suffering when they get out and interact in the real world.
2. Allowing your kid to talk back to you any way they feel they can. I have had many clients, (families, couples, individuals) in my office that are now almost, after it’s too late, wanting me to assist in reformatting the family system. They want the respect they feel they deserve but never put their foot down or hold the line. This comes mainly from wanting their kids to have a voice that they never had. The only problem is that there will be jobs when they get into the workforce and their bosses will not want to hear their opinion.
3. Transporting our youth and never teaching them how to drive or allowing them to figure it out alone. We are a generation of parents that are chauffeuring our kids around. We have become their personal drivers. We are too afraid that something or someone will harm them so we stayed glued to their side. This can send a message to the youth that they must be incapable of navigating this world. When they get out into the real world, unless you as the parents prefer to continue taking them everywhere, they will feel inadequate and confused. I see so many young adults not even know how to call an Uber.
4. Fewer and fewer kids I find are involved in team sports. Especially team sports. There are huge benefits to getting them involved in playing a sport. They will understand what it feels like to lose but not give up. Also how to rely on each other as a whole.

How can we ensure that our youth gets a fair tryout in the real world? To be successful, able to hear the word no and accept it as not being a total failure. If your young adult child is still at home you can start doing things to help prepare them for the real world. Here is a list of some ways:

1. If they don’t have chores or if you clean up for them then stop now. Give them the responsibility to take care of themselves.
2. Tell them you don’t need their input on what you’re saying to them. You just need them to listen and do what is asked.
3. Have zero allowance for them to name-calling, verbally attack you and others. If they start to then simply stay calm and say “I refuse to be spoken that way. If you continue then you can make plans to move out.”
4. Have them start to work outside of the house. Set up a time frame for them to get a job even if part-time. This helps them to get introduced to the real world but not be totally overwhelmed.

Is therapy a good idea for your child and/or yourself? Let’s look at what mental health therapy and family counseling have to offer. Much can be learned if you come into therapy. Structural family therapy seeks to strategically assist in shifting the power back to the parent from the young adult. It also allows for the education and aid of implementing new ways to approach the family dynamics. It can help parents go deeper and explore their resistance to being able to hold the space or hold their ground. Working with young adults is very beneficial as well. Here the young adult can learn strategies to gain the emotional intelligence they may be lacking. It’s important that all members be part of therapy. It’s a great way to get balance and understanding on how to create an environment of stability, responsibility, and balance.

Give us a call today at High Expectations Counseling and Coaching. We have a talented staff of licensed mental health counselors waiting to assist you. Call us at 407-967-1327 and get started. It’s never too late.