The ideal family and what might it look like? As I was thumbing through the questions on Quora this morning I came across and interesting question. The person had posted, What is the ideal Family. I avoided answering this question because my knee jerk response was to laugh it off. I thought to myself the following:
- Good luck trying to search for even a close definition to what might feel healthy and ideal in a family.
- There is no such thing as an Ideal Family. The interpretation is left up to the individual and their concept or ideas as an individual.
After avoiding this question it dawned on me that I could give my interpretation of what I feel a healthy family might look like. After all I have spent my life in a dysfunctional one. We all have. So why not write a beautiful list of qualities I would love to see in an “Ideal Family”. Placing my therapist hat to the side I write from Spirit and Soul. I allow myself to swim in the wonderful feeling of the alignment in myself today that I have found from my own journey in life.
The Ideal Family in my definition
- Open flow of communication and shared mutual respect. Each member would feel heard, validated and not dismissed.
- The feeling that home is the one place you can come and feel at ease because your given respect to think as an individual yet have others who are genuinely and authentically invested in your life.
- Acknowledgement of each other’s ideas, personal goals and uniqueness are encouraged.
- Healthy and clear lines of respect for each other’s privacy and independent growth.
- Others make themselves available for brainstorming and bouncing ideas off of only when asking for their help. No one person inserts themselves into the others life attempting to control, manipulate or change another’s personal agreements and alignment. No codependents allowed.
- The feeling of safety to express your own opinion and not be told it is not valid or is wrong.
- You develop your own internal guiding system. You believe in your decision making because it has been encouraged to seek for answers within yourself and not through others.
- There is no need to walk on eggshells for fear of care taking an others feelings. The parents are able to be mature enough and enlightened in the understanding of how to hold the space and allow the children to use their own intuition as they grow up in this world.
These would be a few of the many qualities that I see lacking in families. The important thing to note however is that this “ideal family” that I have painted is not always the best. I say this because I believe in the principle that the only way to learn who you are is to experience life attempting to understand and define ourselves by seeking and looking to others to define us. Humans are conditioned generation after generation to seek outside of self and never told to seek inside for the answer.
I am thankful for my family, and my upbringing today. Absolutely there were times it was tight and I felt unheard, not seen or validated. Who cares though? I believe that my parents did the very best they could and so how could you ever say they were coming from a place less than what they perceived as the “right way to parent”.
The Ideal Family - It is What it Is
In conclusion it is nice to write a blog that allows me to paint a beautiful picture of what an ideal and healthy family would look like. In reality we need the contrast as individuals in life. We need rejection in order to feel acceptance. We need pain in order to feel the fullness of peace and bliss. Who is to judge what is healthy or unhealthy when we are the viewers of our own reality. If you like the sound of some of the above stated qualities then great. Start working on them for yourself. Then everyone around you benefits in the end.