How many parents want the best for their child? How many feel it’s their job to guide, direct and mold them into being the person you want them to be? Do you even know who that person is that you want them to be?
So much of our parenting is done on a subconscious level. We are in a sleep state just operating from the same systems we were raised under. What if I told you that your system needs an update? That we as parents need to wake up and see that more times than not, we are controlling, manipulating, and programming our children from our own versions of right and wrong, good and bad. What’s right for you may not be right for your child. They are not you. Instead of trying to hook your child’s attention to follow your lead, why don’t you start to really understand your child as the unique and special individual they are.
Stop Living Through Your Children
As a mom I can remember when my daughter was 5 years old. I had just signed her up for her first soccer team. I was so excited that on the way to the first game I put on a YouTube video of the Olympic Women’s Soccer Team. I was trying to show my daughter that this is a sport made for champions and only the strong survive. It never once occurred to me that maybe my daughter was just wanting to play for fun. Or even worse was just going along with it because her fanatic mom was pressuring her and she stop living through your children.
Once we got on the field, I asked the parents in a snobby voice “you all aren’t those parents that get all loud and crazy right?” I had always thought that those parents needed help and that they were blindly living out their childhood athlete through them. They responded “well we get excited but don’t scream”. Turns out that five minutes into the game I was the one screaming and yelling. Telling my daughter to hustle and to stop being afraid of the ball.
Stop Living Through Your Children
I knew I was in trouble when she was lined up to make a goal. My heart was racing, my ego was soaring. At that split second when she was about to kick the ball her hair bow fell out of her hair. I screamed louder at her to take the shot for fear she would turn around and go for her hair bow. Sure, enough she abandoned the ball and went for the hair bow. Other parents thought it was cute and clapped at her for good effort. Inside I was devastated and could not believe that my daughter who had a mom that was a college athlete could allow herself to get so distracted.
When I came back down to reality, I was able to see what I had done. I was able to see that it was not her on the field I was pressuring and yelling at. It was my 5-year-old self. I was living out my younger years in sports through my daughter. I had tried desperately to get her hooked into sports. Not caring what she wanted to do or what activities she may want to try.
The Lessons I Have Learned:
- The best form of parenting is for me to stay in my own lane and mind my own business.
- Stop trying to hook my daughter into doing things that I feel are the best based off of my childhood experiences.
- That I must heal myself and my inner child to fully be able to be present for my daughter.
- I need to ask myself before conditioning my daughter if I am coming from her best interest or is it mine?
- Can I leave it alone and not always feel I must comment on everything or Stop Living Through children?
This above example I hope help to shed some light on how as parents we are living through them. We should never be living through them. This takes away their own sense of accomplishment, pride, value and self-esteem. My job today is to walk next to my daughter and stay in my own lane.
