Questions before marriage may need to be asked between you and your future partner for life. Getting married is one of the most important decisions of your life but let’s all be honest, it’s no bed of roses. Marriage takes work.
If it is such a major life decision and life changer than why do we not ask the most important questions? Premarital counseling is suggested for all couples who are or are not having difficulties with their relationship. It aims to help each person to gain a deeper awareness and understanding of themselves as well as each other. It can help to strengthen the relationship.
As a therapist who has years working with couples, I have compiled a list of questions before marriage that each may feel are useful and beneficial.
It’s wonderful that you two have made the decision to tie the knot. Answer these five questions just as a review to make sure that you’re on the same page. You will be amazed at how much or how little you really know yourself, your partner and your motives for marriage.
Why is it that you both want to be married?
If you can answer this then your in the top 50% of couples that can answer this question. Most cannot and are getting married due to external pressure from family, society, religious beliefs, etc.
-Give some real thought to this question. Are you only getting married because you think you have to? Is the urge to spend the rest of your life with this person that strong?
To get married just because you have been single or because of parental pressure can have devastating effects on a couple later on. It may seem logical but if your not in alignment with your head and heart then you may soon after the vows be doubting this notion of “forever till death due us part”.
Why is it Exactly that You Want to get Married to this Person?
Don’t just say “I love her” or “he loves me”. Marriage needs more than just love. You have to reflect on deeper qualities about your partner; some factors that separate him/her and make them special for you. What makes you choose this person instead of anybody else? How will he/she be your companion in life? How confident are you about the person? Think about all these things, and you’ll come find out a deeper level and understanding for why your getting married.
What Similarities and Differences do you See in Each Other and Yourself?
This question is a great premarital questions that each should ask. If you are able to share the similarities and also enjoy the differences than you can be assured that you will sail the seas of highs and lows with relative ease. Make a list and write your similarities and your differences. Work towards improving those that you want to focus on.
Which Core Values do you Cherish most in Your Partner?
This is a great question about depth and real self reflection. It embraces the true values that you build the relationship on. This questions will help to reveal what really makes you special for each other.
What is the Vision You have for your Married Life?
It’s important that each individual have a vision for not only how they view themselves in the context of the marriage but also as an individual separate from the marriage. Individuals must have their own vision for life or you live programmed, conditioned and unaware of your emotional state. It’s understandable that you each heave visions of a beautiful future with each other but are you able to clearly explain that vision. You may be happily or unhappily surprised when you hear your partners vision. It may completely line up with yours or may not at all. Getting on the same page with the same or similar vision is key.
Premarital therapy and counseling is a wonderful way to work on solving areas of the relationship that are unclear. Areas that you find difficult to navigate on your own and with your partner. In therapy you will be asked to really explore your motives. who you are as an individual and in the context of your partner. Is the relationship based on needs? Are you able to define what love is? What happens when a real perceived problem happens that you did not account for?
Love is always patient, love is always kind.
Love does not show envy and it does not boast.
It is not proud and it is not rude,
Love is never self – seeking,
It is not quick to anger and does not keep score.
Love never delights in evil yet rejoices with truth,
Love seeks to protect, trusts always.
If you will do the work to lay a solid foundation before you walk down the isle you can be certain that you are making a clear choice. A decision free from others perceptions and expectations of what you should or should not be doing. Don’t ever go against who you are and make a decision that is out of alignment with your true nature.