Parents and Divorce Counseling Orlando
Parents and divorce counseling Orlando are so predictable in their process as they go through the on slot of chaos. So often I hear from parents, both the mother and father, that if only their child could see the situation from their side and not be perceived as the “bad parent” that broke up the family. They rip into the children at this point, each parent trying to win their kids loyalty by bashing each other. This leaves the child scared, depressed, anxious, confused and is down right nasty. Do we ever stop to consider the fact that maybe they do not want to hear this garbage? Can you as the parent have the self discipline and awareness of putting your child first?
The child sees the situation in a whole different light despite the sick and cruel attempts by many parents to gain their loyalty. Your child wants badly to keep the open on both ends. Children start to minimize how he or she feels because they want to find some way to hold onto the parent that is departing. They want to desperately paint a good image of this parent in their head. Parents make remarks like saying to a child, “You want daddy to be happy don’t you”? How could a loving child say no when asked a question like this? It is manipulative behavior on the parents end. And the cruel part is that the parent full on knows they are doing it.
Parents and Divorce Counseling Orlando
Having to choose A Side
Sometimes a kid will choose a side because they have made the decision on their own. This is usually still manipulative on the parents end through an overt action or coercion that is hidden. The child struggles to bring the parents to an understanding and to get in the middle trying to take on the blame just to keep the parent from leaving. There is increased tension created by trying to keep the parents connected. It’s to much of a task for the child leaving them depressed, anxious and sullen. The child soon becomes allied with a parent. They lose their connection to the other parent and will feel the price.
Parents and Divorce Counseling Orlando
Sure Ways to Hurt Your Child
1. Make sure and bad mouth the other parent.
Sorry but your child loves both of you. After your done yelling and screaming in front of them they get the picture loud and clear that the love is gone between you two. Do you think though that it might be a good idea to try to be friendly and respect each other so your child can feel somewhat safe?
The child goes through a nightmare when you start smearing the other parent. When you degrade their character and spit out insults right and left this leaves them scared and lost. Your kid gets to absorb all of that. The child feels that it is their responsibility to protect the parent that is berated. This sadly puts them in the middle of the battle zone. A double bind is created. They go to the defense of one parent only to be alienated by the other parent that has now turned their back on them.
The Solution: Try and shut your mouth. Take the high road emotionally and put your kid first. Instead of venting to your child vent to a friend. Take your complaining and whining to your attorney.
2. Misplaced Resentment
Divorce does not have to leave you feeling bitter. Feelings of anger and bitterness do not have to be dumped on the child.
The Solution: Recognize your own triggers. Be mindful and breathe. Stop responding from knee jerk reactions. Be mindful with our response coming out of your mouth. Remind yourself that your child is not your ex, and your child has no idea what issues you two have. Start your own relationship with your kid. Stop living in the past memories of what was.
Parents and Divorce Counseling Orlando
Seek therapy
Learn how to separate yourself from your constant state of anger, resentment, anxiety and feelings towards your ex or soon-to-be ex. By doing this you are modeling to your child that you can feel an emotion but yet you do not have to act out on it. You can stay relatively calm and in a peaceful state. Therapy allows you to understand how to move through this process and not personalize it, making it all about you and how wrong you were done.
Seek family counseling for your children and individual counseling for yourself to learn how to navigate through this difficult time. If you feel lost and confused just imagine how they feel. Give them the gift of child counseling. They will feel safe meeting with a caring therapist who is outside of the family system. Read more about my approach. Give your children the gift of resting and being a child.
