Marriage Problems and How To Fix Them
Marriage problems exist even in the healthiest of relationships. All couples run into bumps along the road. If you can recognize these possible hurdle ahead of time then there is a better chance you both can get past them.
Couples have their ups and downs but couples that are successful have learned to key to managing the bumpy road and keep the relationship on track. These couples have the ability to tackle the problem, work through the most complex of issues that everyday life throws their way. Maybe they do this by reading a great self help book or going to workshops and seminars. Some have done marriage counseling or simply have done it by trial and error.
Marriage Help Orlando
Solutions
Communication
Most marriage problems stem out of poor communication. It’s hard to find the ability to effectively communicate when you and your partner are surfing through Facebook, watching television or going through the sports channels.
Strategies that work
- Make an appointment with your spouse. Place the phones down and get the kids to bed. Let the messages go to voicemail.
- If communicating only leads to yelling then get original. Take the talk to a local park or the library. Go to a restaurant. It’s funny how differently we act when we know others are looking if we get loud.
- Set rules to stay fair.Try not to talk in black and white extremes. “You always or you never” are not the case each time. Do not interrupt your spouse. Really listen to what they are saying instead of thinking about what your next response will be.
- Body language shows your partner you are listening. Don’t be doodling on a piece of paper or looking at what time it is. Look each other in the eyes and nod to show that your listening. If you need to paraphrase back to your partner what they said then do so. It shows them that you fully understood what was stated.
- Say I instead of You. We get in the habit of telling our partner what they do wrong and say “You are never thoughtful and caring.” Instead try, “I feel at times as though you are not thoughtful and caring.” By staying on yourself you are not attacking and blaming the other. This keeps the anger down and we do not get defensive.
Marriage Problems
Outside Influences
Money
For many newlyweds especially it is hard to balance the money. The couple is early in the marriage and excited. Spending is not discussed often and a budget is not planned out.
- Plan your finances as a team. Decide on all goals as a couple. These may include, daily bills, kids college, car loans, retirement, work, vacations, etc). Set a time once a month to review how your doing. Be that couple that opens up a joint account as well as a personal account. One solution that seems to work is when couples will put on average 85-90% of their paycheck into this account. The remainder they place in a personal account and use it for whatever they chose to do. It is the “No questions Asked account”.
Conflict
The Cause: Conflict is a part of every relationship. Stop seeing your point of view as the only and right one there is. Break this toxic cycle. Make the effort to seek to understand instead of demanding to be understood. Decrease your defensiveness and anger so you can see the underlying issues.
The Cure: You are not a victim. If you choose to react and take it personal than that is on you. When you’re in the middle of a fight are you looking for a solution or are you looking to attack your partner because you feel hurt? Stop looking to blame and harm with hurtful statements and bringing up old issues from the past.
- Change up the talk. If you both continue to respond in the same way then you will not go very far. The slightest shift can make all of the difference. Hold back from jumping in to defend your answer. Bring your tone of voice down.
- Give a little and get a whole lot back. If your wrong then say your wrong. It may be hard at first but give it a try. There is nothing kinder than saying to your partner. “I am sorry, I was wrong to yell at you like that.” You are responsible for your reactions and behavior. Your partner is responsible for theirs.
Marriage Problems
Seeking Help
Marriage takes time, commitment and a willingness to show each other that your invested in one anthers future and dreams. There may be times when your partner is anxious, depressed, etc. Work is not satisfying and they are bring home the bad mood with them. Understanding what a healthy marriage looks like is essential. Seek help for marriage counseling and individual counseling today. Let’s start to help you both get onto a smooth road with less bumps.
