The idea of for worse or better sounds like a great idea in theory. We think of security, protection, stability and reliability. Everyone wants to have that commitment. Each feels great and validated. Someone wants you and wants to be with you forever. You and your partner have a gorgeous ceremony but is it authentic and does is reflect accurately life as it’s truly experienced?

Can a young couple that has little to no life experience and has very little time ever living independently be expected to make such forever promises? Can they commit to death these promises?

What if we took a realistic look at these vows and really spent the time to understand them? Would we maybe feel differently or think twice about what we are repeating? Can we be more mindful and aware?

Marriage Vows Might Need A Closer Inspection

Couples blindly say “for better or for worse”. Have you both explored how worse it really can get? Individuals can decide to make sacrifices for the marriage but at least be able to define what that means before agreeing to do so for life. The pain and pressure is too tight. This never seems to be a popular topic in premarital counseling. However writing down some potential negative scenarios and talking through them in relationship counseling can help to clear up the assumptions made when it comes to this term.

Marriage Is Painted as a Fairy Tale

The vows sound like fairly tale dust and sparkle. If we could be more honest and realistic maybe the following would sound more appropriate when getting married. Marriage help would not be so prevalent.

“I can say that today, I love you. You are attractive to me. We know we are both imperfect yet love being with each other. Together we make beautiful music full of laughter and lightness. Joy and happiness follows us and I want to continue as long as we can playing that music. I want us to build a life together and spend the rest of our days together. To hold each other to the level of honesty and integrity. We will make an effort to not take our relationship for granted.

I promise to work on openly communicating my frustrations and any times I harbor a resentment. It is my responsibility to fix me and not place that on you. I will not grasp or pull to keep you in this marriage. Your free to go should the road we are on is to heavy. Love does not force, pull, grasp or beg. Let’s have fun and be best friends.”

Some may think these words are not very romantic. I totally disagree. Stated above is authentic and real. It assumes each is responsible for themselves individually and does not need the other to need them or fix them. It says “I really love hanging out with you and would like to walk this life path having fun.”

In today’s modern society we see so many couples coming in for marriage counseling that are at the end of their rope. An attempt to see if the couple can spark or rekindle their marriage. In counseling it’s important to redefine what the expectations are that each have for themselves and for the marriage. couples blindly walk into a marriage out of the conditioning and doing what they “thought was expected of them.”

Understand how marriage counseling and pre-marriage counseling can benefit you as a couple and as an individual. Learn to really see your partner and not the story the marriage is making up. This narrative is outdated and full of smoke and mirrors. Call today and let’s start this journey to authenticity.