Common issues that arise with couples that spark the need to fix:

• One partner feels the other no longer makes them a priority and feels unappreciated.
• Communication has broken down and you both are at a standstill on how to move forward.
• Your partner you suspect of cheating or having an emotional affair.
• Trust has been broken.
• You feel that you or your partner pushes each other away.
• It’s hard to talk without taking things personal and getting defensive.
• You both start to feel yourselves drifting away from each other and unable to have deeper, more meaningful conversations.

This is usually the part where one of both start the blame game, one upman ship and tit for tat. Instead of seeking to fully try and understand where our partner is coming from we seek only to be heard and validated.

When both of you are operating from this position, war, resentment, anger and fear are the overriding emotions. We get blinded by having to be right. My question is: “right about what?” We start to impose our truth onto one another as if it’s the one and only right way for the relationship to function.

Trying a different approach:

If trying to fix marriage isn’t working then it may be time to do something different.

• Individual work on yourself. Understanding yourself on a deeper level and why you respond the way you do. Maybe it’s issues of codependency, attachment, love addiction, etc. These are triggers and areas that when pressed on create a defensiveness and we personalize everything feeling that our partner is directly doing it to us.
• Asking clarifying questions to your partner . Really holding the space and getting your ego out of the way is key. Ask your partner to really explain his or her viewpoint so you can take an honest look at it from their side.
• Learning to accept what is for the moment and not reacting or responding. Leave it alone. Stop trying to change and always fix. All that does is make things worse. Acknowledge your fears and anxieties but see that they are just thought perceptions that are not real. They are made up narratives in the mind that if we give power to them will manifest and become real.
• Seek professional help from a licensed mental health counselor. By coming into session you will have the advantage of working with a qualified and skilled therapist that is outside of the system. They can provide helpful and valuable feedback so you each can see your blind spots. If you can both be willing to stay teachable you will see that we are never really needing to fix anything outside of self. It’s an inside job.

Call us today at 407-967-1327 for a free 20 min consultation. Let’s see if we are a good fit. Start the real work.