How to Fight Fairly with Your Spouse
It is normal for two people living together to experience some conflicts in their marriage. After all, no one sees the world in the exact same way. When these conflicts occur, it is important, however, that you fight fairly. Here are some rules that you will want to apply when fighting with your spouse.
Never Keep Score
Remember that the point that each of your points should be to make the relationship stronger. Therefore, you should never fight by keeping score. By concentrating on making the relationship stronger, you both become more flexible and willing to meet in the middle.
You married your spouse because you love them. Start each disagreement by showing respect to who they are and the value that they give to your life and the relationship. You are not fighting with your enemy, but you are arguing with a person who you should be willing to defend until your last dying breath.
Refuse to Play the Blame Game
You should never want to win at the blame game. Instead, own your feelings and explain calmly to your spouse how their actions make you feel. A great way to do this is by using “I” statements.
Make an Appointment
While it may be tempting to fight when your spouse first comes home, it is much wiser to ask them for an appointment to discuss what is bothering you. Then, they have the time to think about how both of you can work together to solve the issue. After all, they live with you, so they already know intuitively what you want to discuss.
Stay on Topic
It is not fair for either of you to bring unrelated topics up during the appointment. If you find yourself tempted or you discover your spouse trying to bring up an off-subject topic, then write it down on a piece of paper. Let it sit for a couple of days. Then, if it is still important, make another appointment to deal with that subject.
Use Good Grace
If you would not act that way during a meeting with your boss, then you should not act that way towards your spouse. Always be the first one to take the high road. Instead of firing off shots at your spouse, try using humor and music.
Remember to Change Yourself
The only one whose actions you can control are your own. Make sure to set a positive example after the argument is over. Sprinkle in plenty of praise when you notice your spouse working on changing the behavior that bothered you. Remember that old habits can be very hard to break, so reward both of you when you are trying to live by the agreement reached during the right.
Often, seeking marriage counseling in Orlando is a great way to resolve conflict in your marriage. Make an appointment for marriage counseling in Orlando today with High Expectations Counseling.