How Couples Counseling Helps To Rebuild Trust In A Relationship.
As the saying goes, trust must be the very foundation of relationships. However, trust can at times be broken. A lot of times it’s due to issues of infidelity. Sometimes it can be the result of a partner doing an act of betrayal to the other breaching their sense of confidence and safety. Also trust is broken when expectations in a marriage aren’t met. Oftentimes this is the caused by the fact that expectations are not communicated effectively or at all with the partner. This leads to confusion, resentment and hurt feelings.
But whatever the reason there must be compromise and a sense of wellbeing in the marriage. You and your partner need to be able to learn to build back trust that has been broken. It will require hard work from both.
First you must understand really what trust actually is and each persons own definition of this word. What does trust looks like in a healthy relationship? Often it’s described as a sense or a feeling of faith and deep commitment and security. It’s being consistent and being able to rely and to be able to depend on your husband or wife during the times of real need. You have a foundation that feels safe
How Couples Counseling Helps to rebuild trust in a relationship
The following are some red flags.
If you can identify these and have any of them in your relationship, then maybe it’s time to seek therapy and help for rebuilding trust. Trust can be very different in each marriage. But there are some common signs that trust is broken and missing.
- You find yourself anxiously clinging onto your partner. You never want them to be out of your sight.
- You’re not able to allow yourself the ability to feel vulnerable anymore. Getting close to your partner feels forced and strained. There is the real threat and feeling that it can happen again.
- You also feel the big burden of insecurity and feelings of uncertainty weighing you down.
- You start to question the other person’s actions. You start to feel like they’re always hiding information. You now feel the need to snoop through their phones or messages and texts.
How do you rebuild the trust in a relationship?
Read on to find out some basic steps to rebuilding trust. Remember, it takes two to get to where the relationship is now and both must be all in. You can’t build this trust alone. Couples counseling is a useful and effective tool to aid you both is recovering and building back the trust.
1. So what this means is that the person who has violated the trust must be willing to demonstrate that they want to work on themselves and engage in the relationship and do what it takes to repair it. The person who has had the trust broken needs to understand that if they decide to work on rekindling the marriage they must learn to forgive. This is for themselves and for their partner. So one of the first steps needed to reconstruct the trust is to start by both during the day doing a simple check. This reassures both that the commitment and willingness to take the necessary steps is happening.
2. Openly being able to apologize and rebuilding this trust. A must be heartfelt. There needs to be an apology that it’s sincere. Oftentimes it can be easy for the partner that broke their partner’s trust to get very defensive. But this will only aggravate and distress the relationship. Whether you do it in the form of a letter, or sitting down and having a very meaningful conversation or even multiple conversations. Apology needs to be expressed. There needs to be a sign of remorse and the desire to truly repair the relationship
3. Reflecting on the experience. If we want to reestablish the confidence and connection in a relationship both husband and wife need to take time to do some introspective work they need to be able to gauge their emotional self and learn the lessons from the experience.
4,They need to individually take time to reflect on their parts. Being able to reflect on the actions that breached or broke the trust is where things need to begin. Learn to create new and meaningful memories.
5. Next, you’ll want to work on creating positive and new experiences as a couple. This will often shift the energy and bring in lighter energy for the couple. Do something like that make both of you laugh. Go on a date, removing the husband and wife hat and just be friends.
6. Try to focus on the positive. don’t forget that people can be trusted again. I know it feels when someone betrays your trust. It’s hard to feel like you can ever forgive them. Your mind is sneaking and wants to constantly awfulize and think up the worse case scenarios.
Just remember to remind yourself most people want to be good partners and want to keep your trust. There’s always the option to forgive people to ask for the things that you need.
7. Communication will become key when you’re really working on strengthening this relationship. So getting very honest with yourself and your needs of your partner are important to regain this trust. Ask yourself what’s going to help you feel supported and safe and secure in the relationship or marriage moving forward. The communication needs to be clear and open between each other. Also be willing to allow yourself to be vulnerable. There is bravery and strength and being vulnerable. Be able to put your walls down and set your ego aside being vulnerable allows you to increase your intimacy. Creating these intimate moments is going to help support and rebuild the relationship that has been broken
8. Learn to reignite the connection. Instead of always viewing the trust as broken. Try to think of it as a fresh opportunity to start over. An opportunity to rekindle the missing flame between you and your husband or wife. You can do this by learning what each other’s love languages are and making the conscious decision to give each other the necessary things in order to feel that you are safe and supported. You both feel that your looking towards the future and not pulling from the past.
9. You need to be able to leave the past behind you eventually. There cannot be healing for constantly pulling from the past projecting into the future and pulling it into the present moment. Both of you need to focus on what’s ahead. Instead of dwelling constantly on past issues and mistakes. Learning to in therapy meditate and find your own alignment is key.
10. Learn to have open and honest feedback and conversations about how both of you are willing to move forward into a new relationship phase. Create a vision of the future you want together and how you want it to look.
Be brave and start to do the necessary work to get your marriatge on track. Meet our great team of therapist today and call for a free 15 min phone consultation.