Forgiveness and Freedom
Forgiveness sets you free. It releases you from the bondage of the other person held captive in your mind and sets you on track for emotional well-being and healing. The phrase I commonly use with client is, “don’t let others rent room in your head.” Clients come into session and without knowing it are bringing in years of resentment, hostility, and anger they have been harboring towards another individual (parent, relative, friend, child, partner, etc). Forgiveness is more about setting you free and it’s often hard at first to understand that concept. Holding onto that anger can have devastating effects not only to you but to those around you. Don’t you want to live a life of peace, serenity and happiness?
Who Hurt Who
and What is the Story?
For many individuals I see that they are unable to let go of their anger towards their parents from earlier times in their life. Whats worse is when the clients tell me that their parents really don’t seem to remember, care or even want to discuss their part in what they did to contribute to the hurt. My questions to you are:
- Can it be that they just don’t remember the action that you claim hurt you so bad?
- Maybe you were the one who perceived it as painful and it was your individual interpretation of the event.
- They could remember but the pain is to great for them so they avoid the topic?
- Could it be that they will never acknowledge it and do not care to at all? To them they do not see it as hurting you and are not remorseful or feel guilty?
These are questions that are not easy to get to the bottom of because you will never truly know how the giver of the pain perceived it. I can tell you that they saw it a different way. What if I were to tell you that that was the best they could do at the time and that the person who hurt you was not even consciously doing it to hurt you?
What are the Benefits of Forgiveness
1. Eliminate Chronic stress and anger which can have negative lasting effects on your overall health. The choice you make not to forgive someone keeps you in a state of mental, emotional and physical stress and strain. If maintained year after year it could very well lead to cardiovascular disorders, stress induced-related disorders, as well as anxiety and addiction to anger.
2. Inability for forgiveness does not feel good. Like it or not it is the mindset of the victim mentality. A voice inside of you saying that you have justifiable anger and that your right and the other person is wrong. At the end of the day you suffer the most. Your inability to forgive hurts you more than it hurts the other person. Nine times out of ten, the person that hurt you could care less.
Most people operate out of the programming of conditioning that they experienced as children and pass it along to the next generation without any awareness. A father that was verbally abusive, a mother that was cold and emotionless, etc. This was not intentionally done to you. Although you feel it was very personal. They did the very best with what they were working with. Do you know their story? Do you know or understand why the person who hurt you acts the way they do? Could it be that they received the same treatment or conditioning that you did?
How to Start healing
and step into Forgiveness
Forgiveness takes work and commitment to understanding this conditioning and programming. We need to be able to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions, and to focus on creating our own happiness rather than seeking outside of self for fulfillment. Forgiveness comes from understanding yourself and doing the work to heal your wounds not getting someone else to acknowledge what they did. We cannot control others and you will set yourself up for pain and suffering waiting around for others to tell you they are sorry and ask for your forgiveness. Give it up. It’s time to move on.
Seeking counseling for forgiveness is a good place to start. Together as your therapist we will explore the agreements and conditioning that have been holding you hostage and in a state of anger and resentment. Other methods may include self help groups, meditation, yoga, and spiritual or religious counseling. A talented and skilled therapist or life coach assist and works collaboratively with you to keep you on the right track. Please read more about my approach and how forgiveness is about setting you free.
Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself and those around you. You deserve the very best life has waiting for you. Live a life of surrender, peace and love. Seek individual, couples or family counseling today and let’s start the real work.
