Emotionally Draining People
Has anyone ever called you emotionally draining, drama queen, etc? What if I let you in on a secret that you may find helpful. “No one really cares at all that your angry. They for sure don’t want to hear about you talk nonstop”. This brings me to emotions and feelings. Why are we a society so unable filter our feelings and tell between what is a thought, feeling and a behavior.
For example: Tom is 24 years old and works at a law firm with older partners who have had a successful career in law. He was recently brought on to start as a new lawyer. He thinks that the other attorney’s do not like him so he feels left out and not good enough. As a result each evening he goes home to his wife and complains that he is treated unfairly, it’s not right, what did I ever do to them?, etc.”
This is a perfect example of not being able to tell the difference between your perspective and anyone else’s. In therapy I would ask Tom the following question:
Are You Emotionally Draining?
- Why do you get mad one way or the other in regards to these attorneys?
- Why is it so personal to you? They may not even see you, be thinking about you or care to give you the time of day.
- What now? Are we suppose to let them know that your very special and that they need to stop doing what they are doing and change their attitude or behavior because your angry and upset?
- Who cares if they ever talk to you? That is their business. Stay in your lane.
- Maybe your wife can’t stand it every time you come home because all your going to do is play the victim role. Who knows, she may be thinking of leaving it’s so negative at the house.
Angry and Uncontrollable emotions
I am a therapist but I am also a blend of hard and soft. I would always encourage a client to do the tough work that ranks on the anger and resentment scale at 8-10. But when someone feels hungry, left out, upset they did not get red carpet treatment, etc, I know this is their frail and fragile 4 year old ego talking.
Emotionally Draining
Learn to Get Over It
Get over it. Recognize your not your mind. Feelings are not real and acting on emotions is inaccurate. It’s coming from a place of need and desire from something outside of self.
Your kids, family and friends are over you talking about yourself. Always the statements start with I am upset. I feel this or that. I can’t stand this or that. Blah, blah, blah. Keep your 2’s and 3’s on the scale of “Who Cares”, tucked in and don’t spew it out into the world or onto others.
NOBODY CARES AND THEY DON’T HAVE TO. THEY DO NOT HAVE TO SEE YOU, HEAR YOU OR GET YOU. That is your job and your job alone in this world. Do you see, hear and understand yourself? Maybe until you do you might consider not talking and keeping your feelings and opinions to yourself.
