Bossy Child and can You Identify?
Bossy children are taking over American homes by the minute. As a therapist and a single mother of a seven year old daughter, I feel compelled to write about the disturbing and increasing awareness of how out of control our children are today. Everywhere you turn today you find bullies or bossy children telling their parent or your child what to do. I am hard pressed to find a play friend for my daughter for the following reasons:
-Kids find it funny to curse at their parents and watch them do nothing about it.
-Children are allowed to say where they want to go, what they want to eat, what they want to do and when.
-Parents do not step in when another child starts to respond to my request for them to please stop a negative action or comment. Am I stepping in and parenting for these parents?
-Kids have no chores, no sense of responsibility and treat their parents as their personal house keepers. They leave the mess actually telling my daughter, “don’t worry about cleaning it up, my mom or dad will get it.”
-Parents are afraid of their children. To be liked is much more important than to be respected. Forget rules all together.
-Temper tantrums are so common that at the very onset the child is given whatever they want just so they will stop. Great move parents. Now they are complete snobs and obnoxious children that nobody else wants to be around. Your child is on their way to having a conduct disorder.
Parents throw up their hands and say “what can you do?”. Parents think that this “independence” is a good thing that should be rewarded and commended. It may be cute when they are two and not so cute at the age of six and seven. You may not have the backbone to be in charge but your child will develop one fast. It will be detrimental to their development as they grow up.
Being the boss at such a young age is not the genetic makeup of a child. Any child given the opportunity does have the potential to rise up and become the alpha. They have a need for attachment to a caretaker that helps them to feel safe and protected. This is referred to as healthy attachment. They feel safe, secure and protected. If the parent is not there to hold the space and boundaries, the child will assume the role themselves. The child feels lost making it very hard to navigate. It is to much responsibility for the child.
Is Your Child The Alpha?
-Bossy and very controlling.
-Takes charge and gets their own way.
-Give directions, do not take them.
-How dare you ask your bossy child to help out.
-Children want things to be fair. There is right and wrong and they call the shots.
-Often is a ‘caretaker’ for their parent or sibling.
-Hides and/or suppress their needs. They will appear strong and very resilient.
If you find that your the parent of a bossy child and need help getting your kid on track, counseling can benefit you greatly. Teach your child how to be polite and model appropriate behavior. Utilize positive rewards for good behavior and learn the fundamental steps to take back ownership of the home. Kids today have enough pressure on them. Let’s work together to take this role off the child and allow them to feel like a kid again. Seek child counseling today.