How To Survive A Breakup

Breaking up is always hard, no matter whether you chose to end the relationship yourself, or whether your partner left you. It is called a breakup, not only because the relationship is broken, but because you also feel broken up inside. You have lost a part of how you have been defining yourself and you need time to grieve and rediscover your good qualities as a single person, before you jump straight into another relationship. However, the breakup time can be lonely and difficult as you deal with the negative emotions generated by the broken relationship, so here are some tips to help you to deal with the craziness and survive your breakup to become a stronger and happier person.


Survive a Breakup

Stay Busy          

The often quoted saying, “Idle hands are the devil’s playground” is a popular saying for a reason.  After experiencing traumatic events in life, the inclination for many people is to retreat from the world.  Unlike animals, people don’t have the luxury of neglecting day-to-day activities.  While it’s important to take  time in order to heal, it is equally important not to descend into unhealthy patterns.


Lingering alone in the dark all day and pigging out on ice cream, although initially enjoyable, can quickly become obsessive and unhealthy.   Much of the healing process in healing from a breakup is maintaining your daily routine. Stay as busy as you can by catching up with friends and working hard. By continuing those daily activities that keep you engaged, you create space for new opportunities and relationships to enter your life.

Survive a Breakup

Do Volunteer Work


One of the healthiest actions an individual can undertake after experiencing a breakup is volunteer work.  While not only making a positive impact on the lives of others, volunteering can help increase much-needed perspective for yourself. By experiencing the difficulties of others, you are better able to appreciate your personal blessings.  Whether this means spending time at a soup kitchen, volunteering with disadvantaged youth, or working in a rest home, you can find a volunteering activity that best suits you.


Volunteering has an additional benefit.  According to the governmental body, The Corporation for National and Community Service, individuals who have volunteered had a lower risk of depression and heart disease, as well as reported higher scores on tests measuring happiness and longevity. By helping others, you are also bringing about positive changes in yourself.




New studies have further underlined how important exercise is. It helps to improve mental health as well. In a study by Duke University, participants who engaged in moderate exercise for forty minutes, three to five times a week, experienced the greatest relief from depressive symptoms. This is opposite to the placebo group, as well as the group taking the mild antidepressant Sertraline.  Additionally, exercise has been shown to regulate dopamine levels in the brain, as well as increase endorphin levels, which are the chemicals that contribute to a feeling of well being.


Exercising regularly will not only help you to keep busy and release the chemicals in the brain to avoid depression, but will help to feel great about yourself and your own body. Often a breakup leaves people feeling unattractive, but exercising regularly will help you to look great and feel attractive again.


How To Survive a Breakup


Seek Counseling   

Sometimes in life, we require the advice of professionals.  After going through a breakup in a relationship, it is only natural to feel a well of unresolved emotions.  Feelings of betrayal, rage, sorrow, and anger, among others, are both natural and to be expected. However, recognizing when your feelings and thoughts become obsessive and unhealthy is of paramount importance. This is when a professional counselor can help you to find new and healthier ways to think about yourself and your relationships, past, present, and future.


Thankfully, there are many types of counseling to choose from, including hypnotherapy, dialectical coaching and cognitive behavioral therapy. Do your research to find out which therapy best suits your needs.  Talk to your doctor for a referral. Find a counselor who you feel comfortable talking with. You want to be able to open up in counseling with your therapist.

At High Expectations Counseling we have a team of talented therapists.  We are ready and able to help assist you through your breakup. You don’t have to go it alone.


Surround Yourself with a Healthy Environment


All organisms are affected by their environment.   Whether this is of a physical, psychological or emotional nature, getting over a broken relationship means removing those elements in your life which hold you back and keep you stuck.


This can mean getting rid of those possessions which remind you of him or her.  Store items out of sight or even throwing things away, and avoiding those places which you frequented as a couple. It is important that in getting over a breakup, you create space in order to heal.


Employ your Rational Mind      


Breaking up often activates the most negative aspects of ourselves.  This can manifest in many forms, from an urge to lash out in revenge, to morbid fantasies.  Although actions such as keying his/her car, or leaving malevolent voice-mails, might feel satisfying in the short term, these sorts of actions (while not only making you look crazy). This will likely cause you to end up in jail or facing a court.  Instead, remember the saying “Living well is the best revenge”. Think about how you want to be remembered a year from now.   Will people remember you as the “crazy ex” or, a strong, fearless, and independent woman who showed grace and resolve during a painful time? Often, the biggest blessings come in the ugliest packages. Be strong and make choices you will be happy to live with in the future.