Ending a relationship is messy. You feel shaken up and sad. Your relationship with the other person has come to an end. No matter if your married, engaged or committed it can be a hard transition for many. We start to go for the jugular and blame the other for not being committed enough. For not doing enough and seeing us. On and on we play this role out. You feel as if you have wasted all of this time and that you are a failure. There is something wrong with you for another not wanting to stay in the relationship. Even if you are the one that initiated the break up it still leaves you feeling the sense of lack. You are anxious, depressed and feel broken.
Why don’t we look at it as a lesson and pull from it what did go well? What areas need improvement in yourself and how to sharpen the knowing of self. Take your focus off of the other person and stop being a victim. You will see that there are tons of lessons that are valuable for your self growth and awareness.
Ending A Relationship and How
If you find yourself reeling from the break up maybe using these steps can help you move through it. You will be better equipped once you know why you act the way you do.
- Stop beating yourself up. It’s over. Let it be over. The real question I would ask is why is it any other persons responsibility to care take your emotions? How would they even know how to do that in the first place? You had expectations of the other person and they did not live up to them. That is on you.
- What role did you play in the relationship? Who were you? The aggressor, the righteous victim, the enabler, the passive aggressive one? Did you contribute equally to the relationship? Did you overpower and become to controlling? Were you making more demands than you were concessions? Can you even see that your playing out a role in the relationship? More than likely it is a conditioned role from your childhood. Use this breakup as the teacher so you know what role you play.
- What did go well in the relationship? Were you two able to work well at times together? Which parts of it did you really like and want more of in a future relationship? It’s helpful to look at what was working so that you can bring those things into the next one.
- Do you have a support system to lean on? Calling those who care about you but won’t force their opinions on you is important. Others want to help so choose wisely who you talk to. Everyone likes to think they are an authority when it comes to relationships. There is absolutely zero shame if you need support.
- Identify what went wrong. Where did you go off track? What topics were you unable to let go of? Did you make something very minor into something very major? Take a look at your knee jerk reaction to things. It is a pointing to you and what you need to work on in you? Were you able to have effective communication or did you feel it was hard to use your voice? Did you feel you could be yourself or did you always feel like you had to put on an act?
- The relationship does not define you. You are unique and designed to love fully. There are beautiful traits and characteristics in you separate from a relationship with another. You are more than the roles you play in life. Mother, father, daughter, worker, friend, etc. Present centered awareness therapy will help you to understand who you are separate from these roles or false self.
- Take time for you. Don’t go back and rush into finding another relationship. Give yourself the gift of discovering who you are. More than likely you will just continue to repeat over and over again the same patterns. Everyone is so afraid to be with themselves. They perceive it as being alone. We are always alone with our self in a crowd or by our self. Allowing oneself to take the time you need to gain awareness and to grow is the highest form of love. Self Love.
Ending a Relationship
Start The Journey Back To Self
For many finding peace after ending a relationship is very hard. Following the steps listed above is a great way to start the work and the journey back to self. You alone are the best gift to yourself. Self awareness and self love is the answer. Seek individual counseling today to start this journey. Together we can start to unfold the beauty and truth of who you are.