Orlando divorce counseling

 

Orlando Divorce Counseling

Orlando Divorce counseling and what is really going on in marriages today. We need to understand first and for most that we are refusing most times to see what is actually going on in the present moment. Instead we see what we want to see through rose colored glasses. This is not reality. We make assumptions and don’t speak on them. We assume that our partner knows our own definitions to words and concepts such as love, trust, respect, etc. These are all very personal and different for each person. We were all raised in different styles of homes with different definitions and ideas of what love looks like.

Nobody goes into a marriage expecting to be divorced. We expect to have our partners care about us want to listen to us and be attentive. But how many couples ever really sit down before they get married to hammer out the details and see how truly aligned they both are to each other and to themselves?

We see that we’ve all been blindly conditioned to believe in this fairy tale romantic idea that when we get married we will always be there for each other. That we are suppose to “make each other happy”.  This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Because the reality is today, over half of relationships are all ending in divorce. How can that be possible? Is it because we don’t really truly know who we are as an individual and we’re trying to get our partner to be responsible for our feelings?  Isn’t that our own job?

Orlando Divorce Counseling

We blindly get into a marriage thinking it’s going to be easy. Marriages take hard work. There must be a foundation that is strong and secure. I often tell couples that a marriage is like a business. There needs to be discussion regularly on how to run this business. Whose going to do what and how. Agreements need to be made to give each other the flexibility to do it slightly different than how you may have been raised to do things. Couples are so quick to see differences as a bad thing. It’s a good thing. There are as many right ways to do any one thing as there are people on this planet. Don’t get so blinded and narrow minded to think that your way is the only right way. This discredits your partner leaving them frustrated and resentful.
We all long to be heard, seen and validated. Yes this is our own job to see and validate ourselves but it feels great when we see our partner attempt to put aside their own belief systems and attempt to see it from another’s perspective. That is not something that comes natural. You must have a higher level of awareness and consciousness.

If we could go back and do these things called wedding vows, wouldn’t it be more realistic to tell each other that it’s our own individual job to love ourselves? How unrealistic to put the burden of your happiness onto your partner. It isn’t their job to fill you up? That’s an unrealistic expectation. To be in alignment with yourself and in the context of a marriage means that there’s independence with interdependence instead of two dominoes leaning up against each other, if one falls over then the other falls too. There is this belief that “I need you to need me to feel needed”

Orlando Divorce counseling is no longer seen as a last resort during the difficult time of separation. It is estimated that 50% of couples today in the U.S. are ending up in divorce. There are several reasons why couples get divorced. For many it is a mix of reasons and not just one. Listed below are some of the following reasons that have been identified the most common leading factors of divorce:

 

  • The lack or loss of commitment. Getting married at a young age. The feeling you married the wrong partner.
  • Cheating and Infidelity.
  • Issues of communication and the constant arguing that ensues.
  • Feeling of inequality in the marriage. Especially around the issues regarding raising the kids and roles and responsibilities.
  • Physical, emotional and/or chemical substance abuse.
  • The placement of unrealistic expectations as to what marriage should be like.
  • Increased financial strain and problems with disagreements in regards to money.
  • Unmet and unrealistic expectations.
  • Controlling behavior and not being able to work as a team.

            Orlando Divorce Counseling

           The Breakdown and How We Start Treating Each Other

Criticism and nagging between the partners. Always pointing fingers and blaming the other. How well does this work? Not well at all. It only leads to resentment and playing the game of trying to one up each other. That is not loving.

Lack of respecting one another. If not caught early on in relationships this can start early in the marriage. We start saying nasty and unkind things to each other. There is no way you would ever let a friend talk to you like this. However the person your married to daily is engaged in this toxic verbal spiral.

Defensiveness of each partner. A partner that cannot take ownership and responsibility for their own problems will always be the victim. They will never see that that they contribute equally to the issues. As long as on or both of you stay the victim you will always be pointing the finger. Remember that when you point your finger, three fingers are pointing back.

Stonewalling each other. This is deliberately avoiding any interaction and the discussion of any problems. Stonewalling makes it
impossible to agree and to resolve any arguments.

Seeking advice from others.  Why do we feel the need to go outside the relationship and seek validation from friends, coworkers, family, etc? We like to feel we are right so we build an army around us of others that tell us we are. Let’s get real. You are only telling your version of the story and throwing your partner under the bus. Keep others out of your affairs. They may say they want to hear it but that is only because others are drawn to drama and gossip. Turn into each other and not away.

Finding a Therapist

Divorce leads to mental health strain and conditions related to increased depression, anxiety about the future, and internal turmoil. Many perceive the divorce as very personal. They see themselves as a failure. Therapy assist with feelings and internal self dialogue causing pain.

You can learn to re-frame the divorce. You will gain an entirely new perspective. Personally in my own practice, I have worked with several to understand how turning a painful experience into a positive one is possible. Clients are able to start sifting and sorting through the idea of who they are. Outside of the context of marriage. They discover what they will and will not settle for. As an individual and as a partner in a relationship.

Therapist are mediators. Counselors set the guidelines to make the transition to divorce as smooth as possible. Especially with children involved. A therapist can help you when it comes to dealing with topics such as: custody, finances, living arrangements, effective communication and much more.

Divorce Affects the Children

Therapy is tremendously important and beneficial for children of divorcing parents. Adults become consumed with emotions. Most children go unseen. They become scared, confused, upset and feel a sense of abandonment. Children start blaming themselves to make sense of what is going on. They may start to caretaker the adults feelings. Their job is to always and only be a child.

Parentification is the act of a child who takes on the role of an adult when they sense the ball is being dropped. Children that see their parents act out in aggression and anger towards each other, become fearful and confused. Listening to arguments related to custody instantly places them into feelings of fear and abandonment. Seeking child counseling is a must if they are going to learn to not personalize the divorce.

It would be great if all of the family members could discuss openly their feelings and about any issues arising as the result of a divorce. They are better able to process the turmoil and emotions going on inside of them. This leads to assisting all to better adjusting to the sudden changes.

Orlando Divorce Counseling and Adjusting After Divorce

The recovery from a divorce is a process. The adjustment to changes occur at a different pace for all of those involved. It takes time. Divorce counseling Orlando recognizes the persons life has changed dramatically. There are fears and worry around finances, employment, changes in housing and custody of the children to name a few. Parents feel tremendous amounts of guilt. Many see the emotional effects the divorce has on their children.

There is hope and Orlando divorce counseling can assist in making this a smooth transition. It does take the willingness to look at yourself and not stay in the victim mentality or the blame game. It’s important to look at reality. Face the fear, sadness, etc. Don’t try to convince yourself you are alright. Allow yourself the time grieve. You will realize that your better able to move through it and onto the other side of happiness and peace.

Call us today at High Expectations Counseling.  We have licensed and highly trained therapists to meet you needs. We are a team of compassionate and committed therapist. It is our goal to assist in making this as smooth as transition as possible.

Helpful Blogs with more information:

Will Couples Counseling Work?