Couples Therapy and how can you improve your relationship? Time after time I see the same problems exist. Couples coming into therapy so angry and mad at the other partner. They will sit across the room as far away as they can to avoid each other. The couple has this crazy notion that I have a magic wand and can wave it and make all of their problems go away. They are so mad by the time they arrive to therapy that it is hard to get them to be silent long enough to hear a few helpful words. Why do we wait so long to seek help? Usually it is when the relationship is hanging by a thread a couple will seek help.
Getting a relationship back on track is simple. It is so easy it can be done in one session. The only catch is that you have to leave your ego, victim mentality, Mr. or Mrs. Right thinking and defensiveness outside the therapy office.
It is healthier to be single than in a relationship that is leaving you feeling unsatisfied. Stressful relationships can lead to health issues. Some examples are high blood pressure, increased anxiety, poor self image, depression, obesity, heart disease and much more.
Research shows that happier relationships provide very healthy results. Couples tend to grow happier and happier as time goes on. Optimistic couple have better health and few illnesses.
6 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Working
1. Form and Create a Realistic Vision of the Relationship.
If you equate your love as lust and infatuation then you may not be realistic about the relationship making it very long. If you want to develop a deep, rich, meaningful relationship then understanding there are bumps a long the way is key. You cannot be happy when you expect anyone outside of your self to do it for you. Understanding that you two are different and unique individuals is the greatest asset. Don’t try to force each other to think like you.
2. Actually Spend Time With Each Other
This sounds easy enough but so few couples can do this. Spending time means (no phones, no kids, family or friends). By making it a point to spend quality time you are reinforcing a very strong bond. The type of bond that helps get a couple through the tougher times.
3. Take Time For Yourself Alone
It is crucial that you be able to take a healthy time apart to both continue to evolve as individuals. Developing unique hobbies, passions, etc that are your own is what assist in bringing balance into the relationship. It’s great to go off by yourself. You miss your partner and remember how great they are.
4. Talk To Each Other Openly
Couples have lost the ability to have effective communication. Instantly it appears when the relationship gets strained the talking stops. Fear and expectations set in. We start to assume the other person knows what we want and why we are upset. Each day spend at least 15 minutes discussing a topic that is deeper in content. Stay connected.
5. Always Keep It Fresh
Boredom will plaque your relationship. You must work at keeping it fresh. Plan date nights and events to surprise each other. Get out of the house and do something active. Sitting on the couch watching Netflix does not count. 50 Ideas For A great Date Night
6. Remember to Tell Each Other You Care
Expressing your feelings of love and affection are important and something you both need. It helps to keep the other person feeling seen and appreciated.
When to Seek Help
Seeking couples counseling is beneficial even when the relationship is still going relatively well. If you ask me, I think everyone should have a mentor or therapist to check in with. Left alone we tend to think that we are right and others are wrong. Having someone you can check in with helps us to keep an outside objective on ourselves and the world around us. Therapy for couples focuses on some of the following areas: As your therapists I tend to be more direct than others and ask the tougher questions that many shy from. I believe that there are some key fundamental topics that a couple may want to look at when they are struggling with their relationship.
- What do you know about your partner outside of the relationship?
- What is your definition of love? Do you even have one? What is your partners definition of love?
- Define trust? Is it real and can you tell your partner how exactly they are suppose to earn your trust back?
- Why do you have to be seen and validated constantly in order to feel worthy in the relationship? Can you not squeeze so hard?
- Why do you both want each other to constantly get each others point about a topic? Do you have to be more right than your partner? What is the right answer to anything? With 8 billion humans on this planet, there might be another view of right.